Bro Drinks

Look, we all know that a Shirley Temple is a great drink – for kids. There’s no way you’ll ever catch me ordering one. There’s a better choice for a man. Ask for a Buck Rogers. 

Your waiter or waitress might ask what’s in it. Well, start with grenadine and add some Seven Up and you have it. Now, they might think that you want a Shirley Temple. NO. It’s Buck Rogers. Very different – it’s more manly.

Mangria. Combining red wine and the smooth sweet flavors and aromas of plum, cherry, blackberry, orange and citrus, Mangria tastes delicious and is great for any occasion from appetizers, to backyard barbeques, to midnight cocktails. “As a nightly consumer of red wine, I was shocked one evening to find I had just half a glass left in the bottle. So I did what any decent alcoholic, ex-con, American would do… I went to the fridge and the liquor cabinet, then poured, mixed and measured. Thus Mangria was born,” said Adam Carolla.

Mangria has 20.9% alcohol Mangria has the real kick anyone needs in their drink but without the extra calories

www.buyMangria.com

Let’s say you’re having sesh with your Bro’s. Order an Old Fashion prepared in a Nouveau way.

There’s nothing more Nouveau than a hit of absinthe and Lane in a bat cave (or buried garage).

(you can also spell it nuvo, newvo, nuevo, Nuevo, nuevoea, it’s all good and new.)

A lot of guys have asked me what to call a cosmopolitan. It’s got vodka, no wonder it’s so good.

Of course I’d never order it! If I want one of those, I’ll order a kamikaze and cranberry.

YEAH! I might kick up a bar fight too. Kamikazes are bad asses.

Be sure to order it in a highball glass or a viking horn. You wouldn’t want the glass to give you away.

For many drinks, it’s important to treat the glass. We’ll it’s no different with a pig licker.

First you need to salt the rim – you know it’s going to be a good drink when salting the rim is the first step.

Next mix chocolate and milk. Yeah you remember the childhood favorite. You may not be able to order a chocolate milk any more but I guarantee only a bro will drink this one.

Finally, wrap the rim in bacon. Oh yeah. Bacon makes everything great.

If you’re not thisty, you can grab chocoalte covered bacon from Wentz

I don’t know why they call it diet coke. It’s what I want I’m not going to tell everyone within 20 feet that I want a diet drink. Besides, I custom order everything. Why would I want something an average joe would get. I’m a Bro. I just order a “Coke hold the sugar”. Perfect.

Same thing works for a Rum and Coke. http://www.nytimes.com/1988/03/23/garden/hollywood-rum-and-coke-hold-the-rum-hold-the-sugar.html

When I look back at my years of conspicuous BroDrink Consumption, I am reminded that you already come equipped with all of the accessories necessary to consume greatness.  As a matter of fact, I have compiled a  Bro-Drink accessory anti-list (top 5 below).  Back in the day, all you needed was a church key and a rack of beer to get by.  Nay I say – you didn’t need that then and you certainly don’t now.

The Anti-List—(top 5)

1. (the afore mentioned) church key- use your teeth; any glass that breaks off simply gives your drink added texture.
2. dual drink hat- you just look silly and you are blocking the view of the Bro behind you…and why are you letting your drink sit around anyway-DRINK.  (or as grandma use to say-You look like an idiot AND your mother dresses you funny.)
3. mixing glass- don’t need ‘em, just pour the components in your mouth and bounce…gravity fixes the rest.
4. measuring glass- again, DONT.  more is better – drinking is like field artillery; you don’t need to be exact…just within the circular error of probability…boom!
5. chaser(the product) – why would you want to be hangover free?  the pain is a reminder that you are still alive and proof that you have cheated death yet again.  while you are at it- skip the food…tends to reduce the velocity of your buzz.

Have any to add?  The optional accessories of a smokin’ hot babe, great friends, and mad game still apply.

This is Col. Nathan R. Jessep – OUT!

As my colleague Eastwood mentioned in a previous post, bro consumption-ware is of extreme importance. In this post I would like to describe how you can man up any of your drinks without spending significant time trying to be creative with the name or the container.

In order of most to least bro-ness:

1. Place shards of glass in the drink
2. Break the rim of the cup or top of the bottle (if said cup/bottle is made of glass) and drink from it
3. Add a live insect
4. Add a dead insect
5. Drink while running a 6 minute mile (or less)
6. Drink while doing push-ups
7. Drink with straw while doing push-ups
8. Add anything above 150 proof (151, Moonshine, Everclear)

The contributors to this site are always looking for additional good ideas in this area. Its going to take us a couple of years to come up with bro names for all those delicious cocktails out there…and remember, everythings better with Ice.